So, where was I in this story?
I think I'm onto my 4th baby and pregnancy.
After such a great birth with my 3rd, and an easy recovery as well, I began to ask myself "What did I need the midwives for during that?"
Not only that, but we ended up moving cities, then, before I became pregnant with our fourth baby, we made plans to move overseas for approximately a year. We found out I was pregnant when we had already booked our tickets and made all the arrangements, so, I knew I was going to have this baby in Asia, and I would likely go unassisted for the birth.
I didn't just view it as "I don't need someone's help" though. There was a transition in me to think that that birth is very natural. The appeal of freebirth made a lot of sense to me - to be unhindered, uninhibited for the event. To be free to move however I wanted, do and say whatever I felt was right!
I won't repeat the whole story of my birth, but when the time came, it all went very simply and normal (and I mean normal for me). My labor was longer than I had hoped, and I was 17 days past my due date. But I felt that all was well. I can honestly say, that from the time my contractions began, up til transition when I became momentarily crazy, then when I pushed my baby girl out - I just KNEW everything was okay. It was so nice to be alone with just me and my husband, soft lights and my own bed to climb into after I showered off. He rinsed her off and covered her up and I held her - amazed at this miracle.
My most recent birth, our 5th child, was not really as simple and straightforward.
I saw a doctor off and on during my pregnancy - hoping that he would let me get away with being more "natural". The biggest problem for me though came from letting the doctor date my pregnancy and becoming confined to a conventional "due date."
My pregnancy was wonderful. I felt great. Towards the end (and I mean when I was already 42 weeks pregnant) I began to have a fair amount of prodomal labor. My husband checked my cervix and found it to be softening and dilated somewhat. But then I hit that dreaded date 43 weeks! Something in me snapped because I just knew that this was the point where people would start to really freak out! In my heart I knew things were okay, and I knew that my baby was doing just fine, but in my mind, I thought something could be wrong and I knew everyone would be after me.
I convinced my husband to do some stretching and "sweeping" of my cervix in hopes that things would be provoked enough to get labor going. It did the trick... sort of. My labor was extremely sporadic, painful and long. So much that I chickened out and went to the hospital (after I'd already been in labor for around 30 hours.)
My doctor met us there (he had phoned us the day before, and was not even certain he would be able to keep me as a patient because I hadn't been to an appointment since my due-date). I eventually got to have an epidural - I just wanted a break from the horrific pain - I think I had pulled a muscle in my back during labor. Then they gave the dreaded Oxytocin to speed up contractions and make them stronger and the baby reacted very badly to that! They turned it off right away and for the next couple hours were very concerned, watching the print outs of his heart rate and making preparations for me to have another c-section.
Thankfully, the O.R. was in use and they couldn't get me in right away. Thankfully, I finally felt the urge to push (and my epidural had most worn off). I tried to get their attention, and finally the doctor gave his approval at me "trying to push" for 10 minutes max, otherwise they'd send me in to go under the knife.
I knew just what to do and asked for the squatting bar to be put up. At first I did try just squatting and hanging onto the bar, but then I went to the position that I was most comfortable with (that worked great for my last birth). I was kneeling, and I put my hands on my knees and had my head against the bar.
With a couple pushes, I felt him moving down and I reached in and felt his head only a couple knuckles deep. "I feel his head" I told everyone - although they were acting like chickens with their heads cut off, and I don't think they took it seriously that I was in charge of the birth now. Suddenly one of the nurses realized I was serious and she told me I had to lay back so the doctor could see better.
"I can't" I told her... darn right! As if I'm going to change what is best for me just so the doctor doesn't have to hunch over and crank his neck to get a view.
Another minute or so and he was out. Success... although not quite the way I'd hoped.
So now... I have a new determination in my desire for an unassisted pregnancy and birth. While I am thankful for the knowledge that I can find in books and all the good that the medical realm has given us - on the other hand I don't want to be confined to the "norms" that it so stereotypically places on me.
I'm taking the word "over-due" out of my vocabulary. (A wise woman, and fellow unassisted birther advised me on that one.) I think that alone will make a huge difference in my perspective in the latter weeks of pregnancy.
Well, I have much more to write about, but that will have to come in another post, another day!
I'm approaching 8 weeks now and feel exhausted and nauseous. Other than that, this pregnancy is going as planned =)
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